Economic Stimulus

Sometime this year, we  taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment.  

This is a very exciting new program.  I will  explain it using the Q and A format:

Q.  What  is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A.  It is money  that the federal gov ernment will send to  taxpayers.

Q.  Where will the government get  this money?
A.  From taxpayers.

Q..  So  the government is giving me back my own money?
A.   Only a smidgen.

Q.  What is the purpose of this  payment?
A.  The plan is that you will use the  money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus  stimulating the economy.

Q.  But isn't that  stimulating the economy of China ?
A.  Shut  up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help  the US economy by spending your stimulus check  wisely:

  *      If you  spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go  to   China
  *      If you  spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the  Arabs.
  *      If you  purchase a computer, it will go to India
   *      If you purchase fruit and vegetables,  it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .
   *      If you buy a car, it will go to   Japan .
  *      If you  purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
   *      If you pay your credit cards  off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and  they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money  in America by:

  1     ;   spending it at yard sales, or
  2       going to ball games, or
  3      spending it on prostitutes,  or
  4      beer or
  5      tattoos.

(These are the  only American businesses still operating in the US .)

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I'm going to go to a ball game with a  tattooed prostitute that I met at a yard sale, and drink  beer!   Yay!